Not the Kiddie’s Bible Stories
By Bob Gelms
I think it’s nigh on impossible to read the title of Sam Torode’s latest work, The Dirty Parts of the Bible, and not be compelled by some mysterious force to buy it without reading anything about it. I confess I did just that. It was only then that I read the blurb on the dust jacket. I started to read the book immediately.
I didn’t really think I’d be reading about the actual dirty parts of the bible even though there are a lot of them. Look what happened to Lot after the pillar of salt incident. Lot and his two daughters hid out in a cave. The daughters thought there were no men left to give them children to carry on their line. So, they get Lot drunk and sleep with him. They both get pregnant.
And then of course, the most famous "dirty" incident involves Abraham and his wife Sarah who is beyond child bearing years. God gave Abraham permission to sleep with one of his slaves, Hagar. Evidently, God wasn’t too bothered about the illicit sex. Nor did he mention anything about Abraham not only owning slaves but also impregnating one of them. Sarah did get pregnant but only after Hagar, Sarah’s handmaiden (euphemism alert), was impregnated. Hagar bore her child, Ishmael, first. That incident eventualy gives rise to Islam. Nope, I really didn’t think I would be reading about those dirty parts, interesting though they be.
Our novel is based on the stories of Tobias and Sarah, not Abraham’s Sarah. The stories are collected in the Book of Tobias/Tobit in the Old Testament. Our main character, also named Tobias, is referred to throughout most of the book as Toby. His love interest is named Sarah.
The dirty part of the bible that Toby is fixated on is the Song of Songs, sometimes called the Song of Solomon. It is a celebration of sexual love between a man and a woman. It is some of the most beautiful writing in the Bible. Toby reads the part about “my beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts.” He cannot get his mind unhooked from those two fragrant breasts to the point that he, in his words, “wacked the weasel” for a good long time.
All Toby’s attention to the Bible was brought on by his father who was a fire and brimstone Baptist preacher down south. Toby’s father was a secret drinker. One night he really tied-on a whopper. He was so drunk he drove his car right up on the church lawn and through one of the church’s walls. Half the car was IN the church and half was not. He was fired and given a month to vacate the parsonage.
Dad gives Toby what little money they had to travel back to their hometown, Remus, Michigan, on the train. There, in a dry well on the old family farm, Toby’s dad had hidden a great deal of ill-gotten gains. (That would be cash, money.) I wanted to make a joke here about Romulus and Remus, but I knew my editor would take it out. LOL.
Toby takes both the train and the hopes of the whole family north with him, landing in Chicago. He meets a guy on the street and asks where a visitor could have a good time. He is directed eventually to a dilapidated…um…house where there are about 10…uh…very friendly… er…working girls. Do I really have to say that Toby looses all his money?
The only way to Remus now is to jump a freight. Toby makes his way to the rail yard where he meets a group of hobos. He is befriended by a large black man named Craw, who has a hook in place of his left hand. Craw is very likeable and a bit of a con man but he still takes Toby under his wing. They soon jump a freight and their adventure begins. This part or the story is heavily influenced by a combination of Huck Finn and Oh Brother Where Art Thou. It’s uncommonly good, full of delightful lessons on life that Toby soaks up like a thirsty man wandering in the desert. I’m not saying what happens in this section but you will be amused, surprised, enlightened and filled with joy. They make it to Remus and meet up with Toby’s uncle. This is where the real fun begins. You must discover this for yourself.
The Dirty Parts of the Bible is an outstanding book. It’s something of an underground hit. Not that this ever means anything to me, but it has 2,000 reviews on Amazon with more than half of those reviews bestowing 5 stars. One of them is me. It will occupy a special place on my bookshelf right next to the Bible which is right next to the Torah which is right next to the Quran which is right next to the Tao Te Ching. I sincerely hope it makes it to your bookshelf. It’ll look just great there.
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From the Publisher
Graphic Novel Now Available!
Based on the bestselling novel by Sam Torode and masterfully illustrated by Tina Ritchie, The Dirty Parts of the Bible: A Graphic Novel recasts the ancient Jewish tale of Tobias—found in the Book of Tobit—as a uniquely American story blending humor, adventure, and romance with a spiritual quest. More than an adaptation, this is a complete re-visioning of the story—full of surprises even for those who’ve read the original prose novel.
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| The Dirty Parts of the Bible | The Dirty Parts of the Bible | The Book of Craw | |
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| Price | $2.99 | $3.99 | $2.99 |
| ALL ABOARD! | New Graphic Novel | Original Prose Novel | Poems & Proverbs |
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Reviews with images
An underrated author
I read this book thrice, and I will still read many more times… The title of the book makes it seem like an indoctrination of Anti-Christianity, but it’s nothing like that… It is all about a teenage boy’s journey into Texas from Michigan… Don’t read in public though! If you don’t want to burst out laughing and make yourself look weird… Great book one of my fav author Sam Torode
Top reviews from other countries
Fuzzy's Mom
Don't let the title fool you...
Reviewed in Canada on September 4, 2017
Lindy
Poignant funny entertaining American adventure
Reviewed in Australia on November 9, 2015