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Rewire Your Brain for Love: Creating Vibrant Relationships Using the Science of Mindfulness Hardcover – January 1, 2012

by Marsha Lucas (Author)

4.4 138 ratings

See all formats and editions

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In Rewire Your Brain for Love, neuropsychologist Marsha Lucas brings together neuroscience and mindfulness meditation in an exciting program to help readers create and sustain better, healthier, juicier romantic relationships.

With a passion for neuroscience and the ability to relay it in a clear, unintimidating -- and entertaining -- manner, Lucas delves into how the human brain works in relationships, exploring the neurological connections that fuel our reactions. In an inviting and reassuring tone, she describes how we developed our current relationship wiring and how to modify it through mindfulness meditation.

Focusing on seven high-voltage benefits -- including everything from being able to better manage your reactions, to improved communication with yourself and others, to an enhanced ability to handle fear -- Lucas shows how a short daily meditation practice can change the way you interact with everyone around you . . . especially those closest to you. Each chapter focuses on one benefit, including an in-depth description of exactly what that benefit is and how it will improve the reader's life. She looks at the science and research associated with mindfulness meditation in relation to each benefit, and then provides readers with a specific meditation to help bring that benefit into their relationships.

Imagine, instead of blowing up at an off-hand statement your partner makes, you are able to stop, breathe, and respond in a thoughtful manner. And as the author says, "You don't have to become a monk, or a vegetarian, or spend hours contemplating your navel" -- you simply need to notice your mind's busyness and not get all tangled up in it. This simple process truly can help you break free of knee-jerk, "autopilot" relationship habits -- the ones where you say to yourself minutes or months later, "Why did I say that?!" -- and move forward into healthier, more vibrant relationships.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Rewire Your Brain for Love synthesizes complex neurophysiological information about the brain's role in relationships in reader-friendly ways, and combines this with really practical, effective tools for beefing up the capacity for attachment."
-- Belleruth Naparstek, LISW, creator of the Health Journeys guided imagery series

"Dr. Lucas shows readers how to use the power of neuroplasticity to build up the "circuits" of resilience, empathy, and assertiveness for relationships. Warm, funny, and so very helpful; like having a best friend who is both savvy about the brain and a world-class therapist."
-- Rick Hanson, PhD, author of Buddha's Brain

"Honest, warmhearted, and funny. Lucas explains neuroscience in plain English, so all of us can understand. She brings great clarity to the sometimes murky waters of romantic relationships and gives us a wonderful introduction to mindfulness meditation and its benefits."
-- Sharon Salzberg, author of Real Happiness

From the Inside Flap

On the way to finding and creating vibrant, successful relationships, too many of us end up tangled in the same old patterns, tripped up by relationship habits that get in our way whether we "know better" or not.

In Rewire Your Brain for Love, neuropsychologist and psychotherapist Marsha Lucas, PhD, helps you untangle those relationship snarls, bringing together the latest neuroscience with a practice consistently heralded by top academic institutions for its effectiveness in changing the brain: the practice of mindfulness meditation.

Dr. Lucas's clear, unintimidating, often laugh-out-loud style invites you to explore how the brain functions in relationships, helping you understand how your current relationship wiring developed and showing you how you can rewire your relationship brain through mindfulness meditation.

A down-to-earth therapist and self-described neuroscience geek, Dr. Lucas has written a chapter-by-chapter guide with compassion, wisdom, and humor. In Rewire Your Brain for Love, she takes you on a journey through seven high-voltage relationship benefits—everything from keeping your fear from running the show to cultivating healthy, balanced empathy—and offers specific mindfulness practices to help bring those benefits into your life.

With a few minutes of practice a day, you can change the way you interact with everyone around you . . . especially those closest to you. You can transform your brain from an enemy to an ally in all matters of the heart, creating more loving communication, building emotional resilience, and reducing over-reactivity--not to mention enjoying better sex.

You don't have to become a monk, or a vegetarian, or spend hours contemplating your navel--you just need to update the relationship wiring of your brain. The simple practice of mindfulness can help get you there, with Dr. Lucas showing you how.

From the Back Cover

Praise for Rewire Your Brain for Love

"This is great stuff. The latest, best mindful brain science in a wildly practical form,
with wise and clear practices that can radically transform your relationships."
--Jack Kornfield, PhD, author The Wise Heart: A Guide to the Universal
Teachings of Buddhist Psychology

"With entertaining humor and enlightening clarity, Dr. Lucas blends cutting-edge
discoveries in neurobiology and psychology with time-honored practices from
ancient wisdom traditions to help us navigate the challenges of intimate relationships.
A delightful must-read for anyone wanting to get along better with other people."
--Ronald D. Siegel, PsyD, Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychology,
Harvard Medical School; author of The Mindfulness Solution

"Rewire Your Brain for Love is delightfully engaging and easy to read.
Everyone will find something life-enhancing inside these pages."
--Christiane Northrup, MD, author of the New York Times bestsellers
Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom and The Wisdom of Menopause

"Psych Central's Recommendation: Worth Your Time! Rewire Your Brain for Love is one of those great hybrids between self-help and education. If you're looking for a method to tackle relationship problems (or even just 'life' problems), you'd be hard-pressed to find a better primer."
--Dan Berkowitz, PsychCentral Book Reviews

"Honest, warmhearted, and funny. Marsha Lucas explains neuroscience in plain
English and gives us a wonderful introduction to mindfulness meditation and its benefits."
--Sharon Salzberg, author of Real Happiness

"Marsha Lucas takes the mystery out of two mysterious subjects--the inner
workings of our brains and the successful pursuit of true love. She's a wise and funny
cupid, bringing together our hearts and minds as she explains amygdalas and anxiety,
frontal lobes and commitment-phobes."
--Priscilla Warner, author of Learning to Breathe

"Each of us has the potential to live with an open, loving heart.
This book shows us how meditation awakens our capacity for increased
presence, intimacy, and understanding in our relationships."
--Tara Brach, PhD, author of Radical Acceptance

"Anyone who struggles with garden-variety anxiety about love, all the
way up to full-blown phobia, should read this book, more than once. And it
should be dog-eared and well worn on every therapist's reference shelf."
--Belleruth Naparstek, LISW, author of Invisible Heroes and
creator of the Health Journeys guided imagery series

"This book is like having a best friend who is both savvy
about the brain and a world-class therapist."
--Rick Hanson, PhD, author of Buddha's Brain

"Rewire Your Brain for Love is a smart and reader-friendly
guide for an exciting journey through our hearts and brains."
--Louis Cozolino, PhD, Professor of Psychology, Pepperdine University;
author of The Neuroscience of Human Relationships

About the Author

Marsha Lucas, PhD is a licensed psychologist and neuropsychologist, and has been practicing psychotherapy and studying the brain-behavior relationship for nearly twenty years. Prior to entering private practice, she was a neuropsychologist on the faculty at the Emory University School of Medicine.

She has a special interest in the practice of mindfulness, especially in how it stimulates the brain to grow new, more integrated circuits -- which may be at the heart of well-being, including emotional balance and resilience, enhanced relationships and friendships, and greater empathy and connectedness.

Dr. Lucas' psychology practice is located in Washington, DC. She lives in suburban DC with her husband, their son, and their dog.

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ 1401931618
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Hay House Inc (January 1, 2012)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 201 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9781401931612
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1401931612
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1 pounds
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.25 x 0.75 x 9.5 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #2,172,302 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #6,409 in Interpersonal Relations (Books)
- #9,401 in Love & Romance (Books)
- #13,324 in Meditation (Books)

Customer Reviews:
4.4 138 ratings

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Marsha Lucas

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Marsha Lucas, PhD is a licensed psychologist and neuropsychologist, and has been practicing psychotherapy and studying the brain-behavior relationship for over twenty years. Prior to entering private practice, she was a neuropsychologist on the faculty at the Emory University School of Medicine. Her psychology practice is located in Washington, DC (more at MarshaLucasPhD.com).

Dr. Lucas has a special interest in the practice of mindfulness, especially in how it stimulates the brain to grow new, more integrated circuits - which may be at the heart of well-being, including emotional balance and resilience, enhanced relationships and friendships, and greater empathy and connectedness.

Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5

138 global ratings

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Coach Molly Rose

Tired of sabotaging your love life??

Reviewed in the United States on February 5, 2013

Verified Purchase

If you've ever wondered how to get your brain on your side once and for all when it comes to relationships, this could be the fix-it manual you've been waiting for. The paperback edition is now out, just in time for Valentine's Day.

Disclaimer: I'm a neuroscience geek. Which means that when Dr. Lucas says, "I get excited by neuroscience," I'm already cheering. And when she points out in the introduction that we "can rebuild [our neural wiring]," I'm on my feet, shouting Yessssssss! I love tinkering with that complicated circuit board upstairs.

And it's hard not to cheer for her intention for this book: "I provide insight into the brain in service of creating a greater capacity for healthy, vibrant relationships."

Sign me up: I want that greater capacity, and the confidence that I can make healthy, vibrant relationships last. Who wouldn't want that? We grow and change our brains every moment of every day, and the idea of doing it for love captivates me.
Rewire Your Brain for Love is about three things: love, fear, and mindfulness. Lucas integrates these three threads by presenting the material as a do-it-yourself guide to rewiring our own brains.

If you've been living your life on a 110 volt system and you're trying to plug into a 220 volt love affair, you're going to pop some circuit breakers along the way, casting the relationship into the dark. Lucas offers us an opportunity to apprentice with a master electrician (and skilled psychotherapist) as she shows us, step by step, how to undertake our own wiring upgrade and permanently change outdated relationship patterns that sabotage our heart's desire. This framework is a stroke of imaginative genius, given what we know today about our brains.

I love her straightforward explanation of the brain's wiring, and the ways brain science can shed light on how we navigate relationships. I also like that she clearly identifies the culprit in most tangled up relationship wiring: Fear. "When you get right down to it, that's what we're all dealing with, in one way or another. Fear. fear of fear, fear of conflict, fear of being alone, fear of getting too close, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of dying, fear of really living...." I don't know about you, but I can relate.

The essential tool for rewiring our brains is the practice of mindfulness, and Lucas explains in comprehensible detail just how it works. She offers several meditations, beginning with basic instructions. I have three favorites: 1) Circuit Break Meditation, a sure-fire way to lower the voltage meter on fear, stress and jangled nerves, 2) Catch A Wave Meditation, inviting us to surf our emotions without getting hijacked by them, and 3) Abiding Changes Meditation, designed to ground us as we "experience the shifts of challenge and change."

Lucas makes a compelling case in lively prose, leavened by humor, and illuminated by brief case studies. Her approach appears to be working. I feel like I've developed an intimate and satisfying relationship with this book and its author. Even though I've never met Marsha Lucas, I can't help feeling connected and cared for as I keep company with her through her book.

3 people found this helpful

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ses2016

Very good and easy to read

Reviewed in the United States on May 26, 2012

Verified Purchase

i really liked this book. i have been practicing Mindfulness for about a year and i was able to understand what she wanted the read to get. it breaks down alot of the more complicated and difficult biological aspects of behavioral conditioning to an easy to understand and remember form. i like the mindfulness practices at the end of the chapters. my only concern is for those who have never had any mindfulness practice prior to reading the book. at which point i would suggest googling the mindfulness exercises or get an app for it because i know its easy to practice mindfulness for a beginner if you have a guided practice rather than self directed. when i first learned mindfulness i tried it on my own and would completely forget what i was doing or get too easily distracted but then i found a guided meditation app and it was alot easier and i felt like i got more than when i tried it on my own. but to each his own.

this is really a good book and it helps you to look deeper inside yourself to see how you are tripping yourself up and i think it can be applied to all relationships in your life, not just your romantic partner. and i will be using these techniques with my friends and other people.

i hope you enjoy it like i did

4 people found this helpful

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Allison P

Gives me hope as someone with insecure attachment style

Reviewed in the United States on November 14, 2013

Verified Purchase

The main audience of this book seems to be people with insecure style of attachment. For those of you who are not familiar with the theory, attachment theory basically observes and predicts that people with secure attachment (parents were loving, attentive, relatively stress-free) often grow up to have more satisfying relationships. Those with insecure style of attachment, preoccupied (often perceived as needy and temperamental) and dismissive (emotionally distant and aloof), generally face problems in this area. By implementing the meditation practices she introduces in the book, Lucas argues, insecure attachment people could form an "earned secure attachment", which basically means developing autonomy for preoccupied people and being more comfortable with intimacy for dismissive people. Meditation rewires the neural synapses in the brain so that we can respond more effectively in relationships.

Through informative but clear introduction to the relevant cognitive neuroscience involved, Dr. Marsha Lucas illustrates the concept of neuroplasticity, aka. the ability of the brain to rewire itself through experience and focused practice, as related to relationships. Even though the focus of this book is on romantic relationships, I find the information and practice provided to apply to other relationships as well.

Her writing style is fun and informative. She manages to break down difficult concepts into easily understandable chunks of information. I enjoy the meditation practices, some of which I was not familiar with before. Even though I'm already aware of the multitude of benefits meditation offers, I find it intriguing and hopeful to see that its benefits pertain to relationships as well. Along with the anecdotes provided through her own experiences with patients, Dr. Lucas shows that we can literally change the neural connections so that our brain can be rewired for love.

Update November 26, 2013:
I have meditated for 25 minutes everyday almost 3 months. Both my boyfriend and I have noticed I'm less moody and becoming more joyful and relaxed. My response to anger and irritation are also not as reactive as before. I'm slowly getting better at becoming mindful of my anger. Now, when I get can feel the anger rising, I'm more quick to catch it on its path and soothe myself. The progress comes subtly and slowly but it's definitely encouraging to see positive changes.

9 people found this helpful

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Krista

Great information

Reviewed in Canada on June 10, 2019

Verified Purchase

I bought this book (for the second time now) for the information -not so much to improve my love life. I'd been practicing meditation daily for over a year and wanted to understand the science behind it. This book is an excellent read and easy to understand if you are interested in the neuroscience of meditation.

One person found this helpful

Nicola I.

Amazing reading.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 13, 2020

Verified Purchase

This is the book you need to read. The review cannot be that positive, easy to ready and all it is explained in a clear way. you only need to apply this concept and change your life.

Vesna

Kompetent, praktisch und humorvoll.

Reviewed in Germany on March 22, 2014

Verified Purchase

Jeder von uns erlebt täglich Stress in all den verschidenen Formen. Marsha Lukas bietet eine alltagsnahe Darstellung der Achtsamkeit Meditation und damit verbundene Wirkungen im Gehirn. Sie erläutert sehr humorvoll und mit einfachen Worten komplizierte Vorgänge im Gehirn beim Angst und damit sorgt sie für mehr Verständnis und Refleksion beim Leser.

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Lady Elvira

Awesome advice for marriage

Reviewed in Canada on February 16, 2013

Verified Purchase

Anyone looking for fixing their marriage with out counselling, highly recommend this book. It has some great tips. Good luck!

One person found this helpful

Tips

Open up your mind and heart with this book

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 27, 2014

Verified Purchase

Great read, perfect self discovery book.
This resource is applicable for exploring, developing, maintaining all types of relationships, including the most important self love.
Helpful practice sessions which will assist in developing our meditation practice.

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